A Reason For Everything?

Those who mourn significant loss are used to hearing insensitive comments and questions form friends and even loved ones who don't comprehend their pain. Almost all of these statements have one thing in common: those who make these statements mean well. SoulShare exists to try to bring spiritual tools to the grieving process, but what happens when people with a spiritual perspective make the situation worse?

For many who are grieving, hearing a well-intentioned Bible verse doesn't always bring comfort. There are many such verses that are taken out of context. Some immediately feel like salt in an open wound. Other verses can take time for the damage to be done. Romans 8:28 is more of the second kind:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

How does Romans 8:28 sound to you now? Instead of a cold command to find a silver lining, it becomes a picture of advocacy. It acknowledges exactly what you feel. You would love to have an answer, but you don't even know how to pray. God doesn't promise answers or even purpose, but he does assure us that It means the Holy Spirit has taken your case before the Father, actively asking for support on your behalf in ways you can't even vocalize yourself.

Without this context you can be left feeling punished by God, or at the very least, unspiritual for failing to understand 'God's will', because you can't figure out why this loss happened. Even worse, you might begin to feel as though your life and pain is just a part of a cosmic game God is playing. It’s easy to even let your thoughts spiral into "Did this happen because I am bad?", "Did I deserve this?"

This misinterpretation sends you straight into the land of 'should';

• I should have better faith.

• I should do better, be more, try harder.

These lay landmines of guilt and anxiety, leading towards depression, isolating us from God with feelings like "I’ll never be enough.", or "God must hate me."

The irony of this false adaptation is that it undoes the promise that God does intend. God encourages us that if we continue to have a relationship with Him, then He can take our pain and accomplish something with it. It isn't the reason why the loss happened, nor does God intend us to hope in the promise of the pain going away or feeling 'better'. He does intend to give us something to go along with the sorrow. He will not let us only feel the bad.

If you are in that dark cavern right now, this is what you need to hear: Your loss is not good. It never was. The good that God may eventually bring out of suffering does not make the suffering itself good or planned ahead of time. You do not have to call your loss 'good' in order to believe God is present with you, or to know that He is working in the midst of your broken heart. The Creator of the universe is defending you in the court of the Almighty.

You do not have to believe God caused your pain in order to believe that one day, looking back, you will see His tender presence alongside you in your grief. Above all: you don’t have to hide your heartache from Him. It is okay to question Him. He can carry your grief, your questions, and your pain.

This is typically summarized as "God has some purpose in this" or "everything happens for a reason". Those who boil it down to this sentiment encourage the grieving person to look for a 'silver lining' This doesn't immediately hurt someone with loss, but as the answers and sense of purpose fail to arrive, doubt and anger build. What happens, however, if we give this verse context by reading the verses before it?

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. - Romans 8:26-27