Making Space for Grief

When I was growing up in Taiwan, I observed Buddhist funeral rituals. Later, I witnessed Orthodox funerals while living in Ukraine. In both cultures, paid mourners were present; individuals whose role was to honor the dead through visible, vocal mourning. What struck me most was not how different these practices were from our own traditions, but how they revealed something universal. Societies often make space to honor the dead for a brief moment, yet those left behind are expected to quickly return to life as usual. The problem is that after loss, life is not the same. The world is not the same. You are not the same. This is often the moment when people fail to recognize their deep and ongoing need to mourn.

Mourning vs. Grieving - We often use these words interchangeably, but understanding their difference helps us respond to loss in a healthier way. Grief is the internal, natural reaction to loss. Mourning is the outward expression of that grief. Mourning allows grief to be seen, spoken, and supported within community.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” — Romans 12:15

When we allow ourselves to mourn, we give our pain permission to surface along with the many emotions that accompany it. I often compare this to the process of canning: When we refuse to mourn, it is like sealing painful experiences into jars and storing them safely on a shelf where no one can see them. But those jars do not remain still. We carry that can of worms with us everywhere we go. Over time, the pressure builds, and eventually, the jar breaks open forcing us to confront a much larger mess.

Recognizing our need to mourn is essential because loss comes in many forms. The death of a loved one is only one example. Loss can also come through divorce, relocation, incarceration of a loved one, broken relationships, loss of employment, declining health, or loss of mobility. Many losses are invisible but deeply felt. We were created for connection. We were never meant to carry loss alone.

I would like to introduce you to Still Waters, the blog for SoulShare’s grief ministry. Each month, we will share reflections and resources to support individuals and families walking through grief. We would be honored to walk with you this difficult point in your life. We would be honored if you invited us to journey with you through your loss. Through Still Waters, our prayer is that you will find insight, comfort, and guidance as you move through one of life’s most difficult journeys

Loss can feel like standing in a tornado, everything familiar is scattered and changed. In the aftermath, people often expect their lives to return to normal, but grief has no interest in normal. The bereaved are desperate for something solid to hold onto. What we often do not realize is that grief is our natural response to these changes; but somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how to mourn. Grief is what people see at the funeral, the tears, hugs, flowers, and maybe meals delivered for a short time. But after a while, society quietly sends a different message: “It’s time to move on. Time to get back to normal. Time to be strong” (Insert your least favorite cliche here).