We glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance character, and character hope.   - Romans 5:3-4

Watching a chick hatch is both joyful and difficult—it looks too weak for the task, yet if we step in to help, we weaken it. That very struggle is what strengthens the chick’s legs and neck for life outside the shell. Parents can have this same tendency to “over-help.” Allowing your child to wrestle with challenges develops resilience. If you let them wrestle, they will leave the nest equipped to forge their own path.

How Kids Bounce Back

Dr. Kathy Koch, a renowned children’s author and founder of Celebrate Kids, shared the formula she calls Explanatory Style: four simple concepts to keep in mind when raising resilient kids.

Accept adversity – Accepting adversity means accepting the “Why?”. This is objectively understanding what has taken place and owning it. She calls the- dog- ate my- homework -mentality destructive to resilience. Children who blame environment or upbringing blame failure on something external, creating a victim mentality. It’s important that kids understand the true substance of their adversity.

Impermanence – This is recognizing that nothing in this world is permanent. Family and friends can be lost in a moment. Homes can be wiped out; bank accounts can be drained. When we have the perspective that nothing in life is guaranteed, we are better equipped to move forward when bad things happen.

Pervasiveness- Resilient kids ask the question, “How far am I going to allow this struggle to invade my life?” Sometimes kids need the ability to switch gears and try something else. Am I going to go back and try out for the team again or am I going to move on? It is a delicate dance between optimism and acceptance. Should they be rigidly determined, or realistically flexible and discover a new passion?

Recovery- Resilient kids ask, “What will it take for me to get beyond this?” They can see the other side of tragedy and deal with the circumstance with the confidence that “It’s not always going to feel this way.”

Belief - In addition to the previous four concepts, faith is vital. Belief informs our actions by shaping our attitudes. Are kids not trying because they don’t think it’s worth it; because they don’t see value in the task? Do they not have the skills? Are they fearful of criticism? Is God available? Does he care?

Model Resiliency for Your Children

Model resilience in your own attitude and life. Instead of pretending everything is okay, let them see that you don’t feel great all the time, but you still pick up and try to keep moving every day. Witnessing your struggle, complete with victories and mistakes will give them courage to fight their own battles. You can’t help that baby chick break out of its shell, but you can show your child what it looks like to persevere.

Modern research confirms what Scripture has taught for thousands of years: adversity, when paired with love and support, builds perseverance, character, and hope. Children don’t need a life without struggle; they need parents who will stand beside them in those struggles.

Koch, Kathy. Resilient Kids: Raising Them to Embrace Life with Confidence. Moody Publishers, 2022.